maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
birth control should be required to get into college
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize