I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
