I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
