i permit you to call me
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize