Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
