I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
