i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
a search helicopter?!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
