I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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