i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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