Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
