dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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