Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
