I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The adults are the big ones right?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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