chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
