Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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