Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
