I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
