I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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