i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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