mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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