just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
