maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
