I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
