K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
