Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
