remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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