Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
