Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
