Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
