My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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