i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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