I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
