I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
