Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
