Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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