I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
