When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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