"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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