He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I believe in your delicious
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