Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
