btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
