Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
