For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I can't turn off my feet"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
