please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
