swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
