when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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