i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
