Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
