A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
be right there i have to get my cape
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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