I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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