His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
