wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize