i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
