Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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