u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
