look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
