just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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