I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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