It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
