In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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