sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
