My Higher Power is John Stamos
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
