dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
