I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Pooping to opera.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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