You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
