I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
