i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
