It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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