mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just pee around me
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
