be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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