I cannot find my penis.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
