Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
