Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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