the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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