If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
