jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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