sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
