By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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