I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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