America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
