Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
