You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize