I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i think i just lost a toe
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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