I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
These tits shall not be calmed
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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