everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
