Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
