dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
