There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize