guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
