I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
