just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize