Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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