How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
