Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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