Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
