That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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