Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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