2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
