Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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