Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
